My Ex-SISTER

^{March 10, 2011}

Dear My Sister

There are pictures on my wall. It is all about us, the smiles we had are so wonderful. People might not think that we have been through so many bad things. I just can look at your pictures. Talking to my self is a common thing for me now since you are away. It is hard to tell that I am missing you already, it’s been 8 months we haven’t talked yet. The big mistake you did is still not acceptable for me, dad, and some people. You chose your own way and left some people whom you loved because of one person. Mom has left me and so has Dad. Have you forgotten about our dreams that we used to knit them together? We cried out loud when we did not have a shelter that night. We promised to stick together when the world was not on our side. Now I cry my self.

We once promised each other that we would buy a house, and I have been working so hard to save some bucks though sometimes I am in doubt that we can buy that house but I believe that nothing is impossible. I work hard to raise money day-in day-out because we do want it so bad. I never forget that dream; I am going to build it though you do not come along. I find it difficult to keep these dreams without you as if I lost my other foot to keep walking and finding that bliss.

Our dream house, should I burry it? Because it is our dream, not only mine. Don’t you remember why we need to buy this house?

“Because we have good ingredients to fill in. We do not need a big house, a small one is okay. At least, we are not cold every night. The roof is made off our laughter for covering it. Our funny stories are for erasing our bad past. Our devil smiles are for having a party that we will not hear mum’s scream. Our dreams are for linking up the next dreams. Our jokes are for forgetting how hard our lives were before. This is our new shelter and our prayers for being THANKFUL to GOD that we always stick together in hard and nice times.”…

That’s what we have written in our ‘things to do’ book. I keep it in my closet and take it out when I don’t feel like working hard to raise money so I can see that I have to rush in work and I am not allowed to feel tired.

I am weak but I know that life must go on. I will keep walking to search for that dream though my feet are bleeding. My tears run dry because I cry for you a lot. How can I wake you up and tell you that we have to finish what we have started? Do not leave me hanging!

Perhaps, you feel the same like I do that we miss each other. But, look! I can take care of my self. You taught me how to do some washings, ironings, and shoppings and they are so worthy for me. The most important thing I learn to wipe my tears my self. I sleep late at night to translate some papers and I get up a very early morning to translate again. During the day, I teach some private courses after school. It is for money, that I can use to buy that house. Don’t you think that it is worthy? It is just in vain. You leave me and never look back. You are selfish; you go find your own bliss and do not care for me anymore. Now, you find out your own bliss and leave me because you might think that I am just a burden for you.

I do not really know you well because you spent your childhood with grandma, we were apart. We started our life together when you were 16 and I was 13. It was wonderful to live with you. Some pieces of memory keep playing on my mind and they will be the precious parts in my life.

These past eight months, it was challenging time for me. I locked my self up in my room, shut my self down, and threw all pictures of ours away. Looking at your pictures still makes me miserable. Never crossed in my mind that you leave me this way. Are you getting scared of facing this world? So you look for cover from that person. And you think that that person can protect you as good as I am? I don’t think so, even that person can not make dad happy.

I should not have trusted you if you finally left me. I should not have dreamed that dream house with you if you finally did not keep that dream. I should not have listened to your soothing words if you finally took them back.

I am alone but I will not give up finding that dream house because I deserve it. You can come anytime if I finally have it though this smile is not as nice as it was.

I know that life is a choice and I appreciate what you have chosen. People are easy come and easy go in this life and it is a life circle. Though it is not easy to tell you good bye, this is the time. Thank you for teaching me how to cope with the challenging times, you are one of the best teachers ever. I LOVE YOU!

Love,

Your lil sister