I once had some secret admirers. Some of them were calling and texting me every time. It annoyed me so much! I decided to change my phone number but they knew my new one. Then one of them named Agus was so polite to me. Ya sometimes I received his call and talked only for few minutes. He often came to my school, just wanted to see me. It’s always disaster for me; I went through the back gate to avoid him.
The night, he called me when I was in the car with step dad. He was begging that he did want to see me for the last time. I just said ‘Ya ya we will someday’, but it was me who lied to him, I never intended to meet him. Then half an hour later, his friend called me and told me that he was dead 5 minutes ago by motor crash. His motorcycle was in many pieces and his body was torn into some parts. His friend who was also my classmate always told me before he was dead how he wanted to see me and admired me from far away he was standing to wait for me in front of my school. I felt nothing (You see how cruel I was) then, most of his friends called and sent me messages to ask me to attend his funeral. I refused as I did not know even recognize him (In Islam, we have 7 day of death celebration after someone passes away, then 41 days, 100 days, and 1000 days. The important is 7 and 41 days). I always refused if his friend would take me to his graveyard. Maybe it was because at that time I had a big fight with dad for 2 years, I refused to see him because he abandoned us and in my heart I promised not to care for boys. I think I got traumatic after I saw how my dad was behaving to mum and us. So I didn’t want to have or be close with boys. Now, I sometimes regret about it. I regret and feel guilty why I did not come to his funeral to see him for the very last time, I didn’t give him even a little chance but I never forget to pray for him in my every prayer.
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