I wrote this letter around 3 years ago, it's really challenging time for me when I fought with mother so often..I just want to remember what I had written so I can learn from what I have been through:)
Luv U 2 years ago….
Mom, have you ever peeped at my world? You know, that it’s so dark and grey. Everytime, I feel so lonely and confused. I always expect that you are gonna bring a candle and walk toward me but you sometimes do not understand my pain. My world isn’t shine anymore since you choose your way.
I wonder what life is it? I step so far that can’t go back. It’s so hard I think. I live in my another side. I’m standing on my broken dreams.I hurt my feet while crossing that path. This sight doesn’t have meaning. I’m still haluccinating about my life I had before. This life tastes tears. Every night in my dream, I cry without sound. These tears can’t stop flooding my eyes, and I try blocking that but It would be for nothing. In my recurring dreams, every body forsakes me and so do you. In real world, you also do it. Nevertrying to know me closer since you had that life. Some people try to touch my life but I let them be in huge question about me. I don’t want them to know me closer because I have closed this heart tightly.
My world is untouchable, dangerous, weird, and makes people puke so I wrap it with big stupid lies to tell that I am okay. I have blackened rainbow so that its beauty doesn’t shine its colour to you as usual when It’s raining. Starry sky I covered it with my worries yesterday so you aren’t able to see some falling stars falling to bring your wishes. Shiny day I cut it off so my days now are cloudy. I draw my feeling in the dark night and ask the moon to hide it in her shadow in the afternoon. Morning dew is not as soft as my big fake smile. I start fading away, following uncertainty wind. All things go wrong, and the angels which inhabit the heaven is scolding me because I often cross the line. I do need a rest to contemplate all my mistakes and my succes before D-day picks me up from this earth. I measure my bravery and seize it before it goes to other kids. In palm of my hands, I am holding a little hope.
I don’t want to flash my mom here. Mom, you should know that I doubt about yourself after you and he often hurt me mentally. I ask God to bring that affection back but it doesn’t come yet. I see your eyes in the moonlit and it is so tasteless. Mom, you never come when I need you and I miss our fun time. At that time you, sister, brother, and I lived in one perspective. We saw one star and moon. We always waited for warm morning and started the days with joyful dreams.
Now all amazing things seem so far away. I am trying searching for another bliss but it was only the one which once alive in my world. I am a stranger no so I wander from one place to another place to catch my lost happiness. No matter raining or snowing I keep walking on this path…miss u mom…miss u when nothing mattered….
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